Today has been a hard day!
My pregnancy hormones sure put me to the test today and failed miserably! I slept or laid in bed the majority of the day. The boys watched movies when I was resting or it was actually nap time and they were resting too. This is part of the season we are end as I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy. Some days life needs to be slow and we need a TV in bed day!
We did venture out and get the chicks and chicken food and Hubby prescription (which had its own emotional stress with the fact that the stupid medical insurance we have to carry does absolutely nothing but cost us money and helps pay for nothing!). By the time I was home I was ready to curl up in the fetal position and just cry my eyes out!
I couldn't handle listening to either of the boys say another word. I knew where I was at and I knew I needed a few minutes to pull myself together and I needed to ask for help.
Today I'm grateful to be living so close to a really good friend. I knew she'd be willing to keep the boys while I figured out how to get through the rest of the night. The boys went to play with friends and I went to the micro house and set a timer for 15 minutes. I called Hubby and let him know he was coming home to a crazy emotional wife instead of a sane wife. I wanted to give him time to prepare for what he was going to be walking into.
Lucky for me and my friend, Hubby arrived home even before my 15 minute timer went off. He helped manage the boys while I finished washing dishes while listening to a fantastic book on CD which I'll be sharing about soon! I was slowly starting to feel normal again.
The rest of the night was up and down emotionally. By the time I finally got dinner on the table I was ready to be in tears again so I put on headphones and turned on Netflix and told the boys to only talk to daddy. Mommy needed another break. It wasnt quite long enough and then it was bedtime routine.
I barely held it together.
Finally I just sat on the floor took a few deep breaths and prayed for strength to get through these last minutes before lights could be turned out. I was a little disappointed in myself for not tirni to God earlier in my day. Honestly, He just wasn't on my radar which I'm embarrassed to admit. I know praying and turning my heart towards God is always the best answer but more often than not I'm at my breaking point before I remember that He is there, right next to me, waiting to offer me a helping hand. All I have to do is ask!
Of course it worked. I started to feel a little better and a little more in control. While on the floor tucking in the boys I held them each a little longer and a little tighter before I tucked them in. I looked them both in the eye individually and apologized for my behavior today.
Today mommy did not have much patience. I didn't have a good attitude and a happy heart. I didn't show them respect throughout the day. I sinned against them.
It was time to apologize and admit my wrong doing to them. I told them that tomorrow was a new day and that we would all work hard to make it a good one. I told them I loved them and covered them up and turned off the lights.
I then crawled into my bed grabbed my tablet with my headphones and turned on my favorite Pandora station (Sing Over Me) when I need to focus my heart on Jesus. I grabbed my phone with the intentions of reading the bible app (sharing a small space means I can't have a light on and actually hold my bible in my hands) but instead I decided to share my day with you. I never want anyone to feel that I have it all together. That I only blog about the happy times and that my life is perfect.
I'm human!
I live in a fallen world and I sin...a lot! A lot more than I like to acknowledge or confess.
Today though I needed to do both! I needed to step forward and let my boys know that even mommies sin and make mistakes. That we need to admit it and apologize. We as parents need to set the example and make sure we use these moments to teach our children how to apologize (even when its really hard) and ask for forgiveness. This is such a great teachable moment we can't just pass over! So remember to show your children your imperfect self once in awhile too! Especially when you have acted poorly towards them! I
really want to share more but I'm coming to the end of thoughts that are making sense and I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired, have pregnancy brain kicking in, or if God is telling me that is enough for now.
Have you apologized to your kids for your attitude? Do you need to do it? If so go right now and make your relationship stronger and seek forgiveness from your wonderful children that are watching and learning from your actions more than your words!
I'm going to go and immerse myself into God's Word and find my strength to get through the day tomorrow...whatever it might bring!
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