Since our move a year ago I've had lots of ups and downs. Moving out of Colorado where I was born and raised, where all my friends and family live, and the only place that I thought would ever be home was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make and follow through with. I knew that this move would make my life and my families life ultimately better and being out here has proven that to be true and it's only been a year. But looking back over the year there have been plenty of hard times.
About every few months I start missing the life I had in Colorado. I miss getting together with other moms that are like minded homemakers. Other women that put family above everything else no matter what the sacrifice. I haven't found friendships in Oklahoma that easily but I continue to push forward with it and I'm starting to finally have a few women that I have developed a relationship with that I now call friends. These friendships alone are starting to make Oklahoma feel a little more like home.
When I start missing my life in Colorado I get sad. I miss my family. I use to see my parents at least weekly. It was odd when a we would go by that I didn't at least see one of them. We skype weekly and I talk to my dad on the phone through out the week but it still just isn't the same. I look forward to the times that they plan to come visit as if they are written in stone but it looks like 2015 is going to be a year that we do all the traveling back instead.
These times are hard. I need to feel connected and actually hug my parents. When I really start struggling with this I let sin take over my life. I don't put the needs of my family first. I let dishes pile up in the sink, bathrooms go uncleaned, and drive to pick up dinner way to much. I let school fall to the wayside and I do not enjoy time with my kids. I instead sulk in front of the TV at the life that I have even though it's what I wanted and still do want.
Things get left undone for way too long. People are left uncared for and have feelings of unloved. These times are hard. These are the times that I should cry out to Jesus to give me His strength to keep moving. But to keep moving sometimes means to push my feelings down so they don't overtake me. I allow myself to be sad and miss the life I had but be strong enough to build up a new one here. It's not easy!
All this changed for me when I went to Colorado this past July. My dearest friend recommended the book Desperate by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae. I read about it and ordered it online so it would be in my mailbox by the time I returned home. I started it once vacation chores where done and life was getting back to some normalcy. I started with reading a chapter as I could and answering questions as I had time. I started growing and changing almost immediately!
I started making sure to read a chapter each morning and get the questions answered throughout the day. I took time for myself to not zone out in laziness in front of the TV but to grow and learn from two women that seemed to be speaking right to my heart. God knew what I needed! He knew that these were the words that would change my life forever! And they have. Last week was the first week that I have felt like the mom that God has called me to be! Last week was the first week that my husband has come home to a calm and mostly clean home since we moved. Last week there were so many praises I couldn't send enough texts telling my friend all about the work that was being done in my life.
But it was only one week! It was last week. It's not today. Today I'm utterly exhausted from working on the tiny house all day yesterday. The house was not touched because of the constant work outside so today I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and under qualified to do it all. But the great thing is that I am under qualified to do it all on my own. God never asked us to take on this world with our own power and will. He gave us His power, His will, and His strength to get everything done so that's where I'm resting today. In the arms of my Jesus. I'm taking on His strength today to get the things done that need to be done and to enjoy it as I go along.
I am glad you have found some ladies there to connect with. I know that has to be difficult. seeing the video of R playing water kickball made me smile. I knew that you had found a good group of friends/people to surround yourself and the boys with!
ReplyDeleteThat was at our church. They did have lots of fun. I'm still trying to get connected there. The other ladies are closer to our current house. I'm going to be sad to move an hour away.
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