Sadness with a Little Guilt

Its nearing the one year anniversary of the death of someone who I was extremely close with. I'm struggling big time with so many different feelings but mostly sadness and some guilt.

There are moments when I just want to break down and cry. There are moments when I'm overtaken with a memory. I can't sleep well, my moods are all over place, and it seems like I can't control much of anything.

Then once I start to think about a memory the guilt sets in. It's for so many different things. Not being able to visit more when times were getting bad, Goose missing out on getting to know his grandma, and not being able to get the closure of a final goodbye because I was in the hospital with my new baby.

I have never felt these feelings before. I know it is depression at least in a mild form. I have no clue how to handle it.

To top it all off the stress of moving and unpacking, the stress of another possible huge change in our family, and then planning Goose's first birthday. I'm not ready for my baby to be growing up! I'm not ready for my baby to not be a baby anymore.

The next few weeks are going to be tough ones for me. No matter how I look at it. It looks like I need some quiet time with the Lord so he can help guide me through this time.

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